1049 lines
23 KiB
Plaintext
1049 lines
23 KiB
Plaintext
Flying sex snakes.
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Michelle Obama's arms.
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German dungeon porn.
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White people.
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Getting so angry that you pop a boner.
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Tasteful sideboob.
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Praying the gay away.
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Two midgets shitting into a bucket.
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MechaHitler.
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Being a motherfucking sorcerer.
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A disappointing birthday party.
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Puppies!
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A windmill full of corpses.
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Guys who don't call.
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Racially-biased SAT questions.
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Dying.
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Steven Hawking talking dirty.
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Being on fire.
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A lifetime of sadness.
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An erection that lasts longer than four hours.
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AIDS
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Same-sex ice dancing.
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Glenn Beck catching his scrotum on a curtain hook.
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The Rapture.
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Pterodactyl eggs.
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Crippling debt.
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Eugenics.
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Exchanging pleasantries.
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Dying of dysentery.
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Roofies.
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Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon.
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The forbidden fruit.
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Republicans.
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The Big Bang.
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Anal beads.
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Amputees.
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Men.
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Surprise sex!
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Kim Jong-il.
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Concealing a boner
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Agriculture.
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Glenn Beck being harried by a swarm of buzzards.
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Making a pouty face.
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A salty surprise.
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The Jews.
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Charisma.
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YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.
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Panda sex.
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Taking off your shirt.
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A drive-by shooting.
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Ronald Reagan.
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Morgan Freeman's voice.
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Breaking out into song and dance.
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Jewish fraternities.
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Dead babies.
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Masturbation.
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Hormone injections.
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All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.
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Incest.
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Scalping.
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Soup that is too hot.
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The Übermensch.
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Nazis.
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Tom Cruise.
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Stifling a giggle at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis.
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Edible underpants.
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The Hustle.
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A Super Soaker™ full of cat pee.
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Figgy pudding.
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Object permanence.
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Consultants.
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Intelligent design.
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Nocturnal emissions.
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Uppercuts.
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Being marginalized.
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The profoundly handicapped.
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Obesity.
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Chutzpah.
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Unfathomable stupidity.
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Repression.
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Attitude.
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Passable transvestites.
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Party poopers.
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The American Dream
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Child beauty pageants.
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Puberty.
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Testicular torsion.
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The folly of man.
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Nickelback.
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Swooping.
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Goats eating cans.
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The KKK.
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Kamikaze pilots.
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Horrifying laser hair removal accidents.
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Adderall™.
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A look-see.
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Doing the right thing.
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The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge.
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Lactation.
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Pabst Blue Ribbon.
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Powerful thighs.
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Saxophone solos.
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The gays.
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A middle-aged man on roller skates.
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A foul mouth.
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The thing that electrocutes your abs.
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Heteronormativity.
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Cuddling.
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Coat hanger abortions.
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A big hoopla about nothing.
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Boogers.
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A hot mess.
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Raptor attacks.
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My collection of high-tech sex toys.
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Fear itself.
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*Bees?*
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Getting drunk on mouthwash.
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Sniffing glue.
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Oversized lollipops.
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An icepick lobotomy.
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Being rich.
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Friends with benefits.
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Teaching a robot to love.
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Women's suffrage.
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Me time.
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The heart of a child.
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Smallpox blankets.
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The clitoris.
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John Wilkes Booth.
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The glass ceiling.
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Sarah Palin.
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Sexy pillow fights.
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Yeast.
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Full frontal nudity.
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Parting the Red Sea.
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A Bop It™.
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Michael Jackson.
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Team-building exercises.
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Harry Potter erotica.
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Authentic Mexican cuisine.
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Frolicking.
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Sexting.
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Grandma.
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Not giving a shit about the Third World.
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Licking things to claim them as your own.
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Genghis Khan.
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The hardworking Mexican.
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RoboCop.
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My relationship status.
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Scrubbing under the folds.
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Porn Stars.
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Horse meat.
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Sunshine and rainbows.
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Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor.
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Barack Obama.
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Spontaneous human combustion.
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Natural selection.
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Mouth herpes.
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Flash flooding.
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Goblins.
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A monkey smoking a cigar.
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Spectacular abs.
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A good sniff.
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Wiping her butt.
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The Three-Fifths compromise.
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Pedophiles.
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Doin' it in the butt.
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Being fabulous.
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Mathletes.
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Wearing underwear inside-out to avoid doing laundry.
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Nipple blades.
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An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.
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A bag of magic beans.
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Vigorous jazz hands.
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A defective condom.
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Skeletor.
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Vikings.
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Leaving an awkward voicemail.
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Teenage pregnancy.
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Dead parents.
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Hot cheese.
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My sex life.
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A mopey zoo lion.
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Assless chaps.
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Riding off into the sunset.
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Lance Armstrong's missing testicle.
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Sweet, sweet vengeance.
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Genital piercings.
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Keg stands.
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Darth Vader.
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Viagra©.
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Necrophilia.
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A really cool hat.
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Toni Morrison's vagina.
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An Oedipus complex.
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The Tempur-Pedic© Swedish Sleep System™.
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Preteens.
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Dick fingers.
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A cooler full of organs.
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Shapeshifters.
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The Care Bear Stare.
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Erectile dysfunction.
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Keanu Reeves.
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The Virginia Tech Massacre.
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The Underground Railroad.
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The chronic.
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Queefing.
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Heartwarming orphans.
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A thermonuclear detonation.
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Cheating in the Special Olympics.
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Tangled Slinkys.
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A moment of silence.
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Civilian casualties.
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Catapults.
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Sharing needles.
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Ethnic cleansing.
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Emotions.
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Children on leashes.
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Balls.
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Homeless people.
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Eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale.
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Old-people smell.
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Farting and walking away.
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The inevitable heat death of the universe.
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The violation of our most basic human rights.
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Fingering.
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The placenta.
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The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Leprosy.
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Sperm whales.
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Multiple stab wounds.
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Flightless birds.
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Grave robbing.
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Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine©.
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Oompa-Loompas.
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A murder most foul.
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Tentacle porn.
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Daddy issues.
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Bill Nye the Science Guy.
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Peeing a little bit.
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The miracle of childbirth.
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Tweeting.
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Another goddamn vampire movie.
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Britney Spears at 55.
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New Age music.
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The Make-A-Wish® Foundation.
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Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.
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Active listening.
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Nicolas Cage.
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72 virgins.
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Stranger danger.
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Hope.
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A gassy antelope.
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BATMAN!!!
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Chivalry.
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Passing a kidney stone.
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Black people.
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Natalie Portman.
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A mime having a stroke.
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Classist undertones.
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Sean Penn.
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A mating display.
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The Holy Bible.
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Hot Pockets©.
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A sad handjob.
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Pulling out.
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Serfdom.
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Pixelated bukkake.
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Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up.
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Jew-fros.
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Waiting 'til marriage.
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Euphoria™ by Calvin Klein.
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The World of Warcraft.
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Lunchables™.
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The Kool-Aid Man.
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The Trail of Tears.
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Self-loathing.
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A falcon with a cap on its head.
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Historically black colleges.
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Not reciprocating oral sex.
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Global warming.
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Ghosts.
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World peace.
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A can of whoop-ass.
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The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.
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A zesty breakfast burrito.
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Switching to Geico®.
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Aaron Burr.
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Picking up girls at the abortion clinic.
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Land mines.
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Former President George W. Bush.
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Geese.
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Mutually-assured destruction.
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College.
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Date rape.
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Bling.
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A gentle caress of the inner thigh.
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A time travel paradox.
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Seppuku.
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Poor life choices.
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Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot.
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Italians.
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GoGurt®.
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Finger painting.
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Robert Downey, Jr.
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My soul.
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Smegma.
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Embryonic stem cells.
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The South.
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Christopher Walken.
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Gloryholes.
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Pretending to care.
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Public ridicule.
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A tiny horse.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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A stray pube.
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Jerking off into a pool of children's tears.
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Child abuse.
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Glenn Beck convulsively vomiting as a brood of crab spiders hatches in his brain and erupts from his tear ducts.
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Menstruation.
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A sassy black woman.
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Re-gifting.
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Penis envy.
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A sausage festival.
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Getting really high.
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Drinking alone.
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Too much hair gel.
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Hulk Hogan.
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Overcompensation.
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Foreskin.
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Free samples.
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Shaquille O'Neal's acting career.
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Five-Dollar Footlongs™.
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Whipping it out.
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A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.
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Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him).
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Half-assed foreplay.
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Dental dams.
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Being a dick to children.
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Famine.
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Chainsaws for hands.
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A gypsy curse.
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AXE Body Spray.
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The Force.
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Explosions.
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Cybernetic enhancements.
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Customer service representatives.
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White privilege.
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Gandhi.
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Road head.
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God.
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Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.
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8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin.
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Judge Judy.
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The Little Engine That Could.
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Altar boys.
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Mr. Clean, right behind you.
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Vehicular manslaughter.
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Dwarf tossing.
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Friction.
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Lady Gaga.
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Scientology.
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Justin Bieber.
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A death ray.
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Vigilante justice.
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The Pope.
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A sea of troubles.
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Alcoholism.
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Poor people.
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A fetus.
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Women in yogurt commercials.
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||
Exactly what you'd expect.
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Flesh-eating bacteria.
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My genitals.
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A balanced breakfast.
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Dick Cheney.
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Lockjaw.
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Natural male enhancement.
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Take-backsies.
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Winking at old people.
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Opposable thumbs.
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Flying sex snakes.
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Passive-aggressive Post-it notes.
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Inappropriate yodeling.
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Golden showers.
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Racism.
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Copping a feel.
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Auschwitz.
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Elderly Japanese men.
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Raping and pillaging.
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Kids with ass cancer.
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Pictures of boobs.
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The homosexual agenda.
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A homoerotic volleyball montage.
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Sexual tension.
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Hurricane Katrina.
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Fiery poops.
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Science.
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Dry heaving.
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Cards Against Humanity.
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Fancy Feast©.
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A bleached asshole.
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Lumberjack fantasies.
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American Gladiators.
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Autocannibalism.
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Sean Connery.
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William Shatner.
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Domino's™ Oreo™ Dessert Pizza.
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An asymmetric boob job.
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Centaurs.
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A micropenis.
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Asians who aren't good at math.
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The milk man.
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Waterboarding.
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Wifely duties.
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Loose lips.
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The Blood of Christ.
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Actually taking candy from a baby.
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The token minority.
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Jibber-jabber.
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A brain tumor.
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Bingeing and purging.
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A clandestine butt scratch.
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The Chinese gymnastics team.
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Prancing.
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The Hamburglar.
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Police brutality.
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Man meat.
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Forgetting the Alamo.
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Eating the last known bison.
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Crystal meth.
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Booby-trapping the house to foil burglars.
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My inner demons.
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Third base.
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Soiling oneself.
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Laying an egg.
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Giving 110%.
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Hot people.
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Friendly fire.
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Count Chocula.
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Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.
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Estrogen.
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My vagina.
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Kanye West.
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A robust mongoloid.
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The Donald Trump Seal of Approval™.
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The true meaning of Christmas.
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Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II.
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||
An honest cop with nothing left to lose.
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Feeding Rosie O'Donnell.
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The Amish.
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The terrorists.
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When you fart and a little bit comes out.
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Pooping back and forth. Forever.
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Friends who eat all the snacks.
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Cockfights.
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||
Bitches.
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Seduction.
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A big black dick.
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A beached whale.
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A bloody pacifier.
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A crappy little hand.
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A low standard of living.
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A nuanced critique.
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Panty raids.
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A passionate Latino lover.
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||
A rival dojo.
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||
A web of lies.
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||
A woman scorned.
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Clams.
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Apologizing.
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A plunger to the face.
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Neil Patrick Harris.
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Beating your wives.
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Being a dinosaur.
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||
Shaft.
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Bosnian chicken farmers.
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Nubile slave boys.
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||
Carnies.
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Coughing into a vagina.
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Suicidal thoughts.
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The ooze.
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Deflowering the princess.
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Dorito breath.
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||
Eating an albino.
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||
Enormous Scandinavian women.
|
||
Fabricating statistics.
|
||
Finding a skeleton.
|
||
Gandalf.
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||
Genetically engineered super-soldiers.
|
||
George Clooney's musk.
|
||
Getting abducted by Peter Pan.
|
||
Getting in her pants, politely.
|
||
Gladiatorial combat.
|
||
Clenched butt cheeks.
|
||
Hipsters.
|
||
Historical revisionism.
|
||
Insatiable bloodlust.
|
||
Jafar.
|
||
Jean-Claude Van Damme.
|
||
Just the tip.
|
||
Mad hacky-sack skills.
|
||
Leveling up.
|
||
Literally eating shit.
|
||
Making the penises kiss.
|
||
24-hour media coverage.
|
||
Medieval Times© Dinner & Tournament.
|
||
Moral ambiguity.
|
||
My machete.
|
||
One thousand Slim Jims.
|
||
Ominous background music.
|
||
Overpowering your father.
|
||
Stockholm Syndrome.
|
||
Quiche.
|
||
Quivering jowls.
|
||
Revenge fucking.
|
||
Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.
|
||
Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.
|
||
Santa Claus.
|
||
Scrotum tickling.
|
||
Sexual humiliation.
|
||
Sexy Siamese twins.
|
||
Saliva.
|
||
Space muffins.
|
||
Statistically validated stereotypes.
|
||
Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.
|
||
The boners of the elderly.
|
||
The economy.
|
||
Syphilitic insanity.
|
||
The Gulags.
|
||
The harsh light of day.
|
||
The hiccups.
|
||
The shambling corpse of Larry King.
|
||
The four arms of Vishnu.
|
||
Being a busy adult with many important things to do.
|
||
Tripping balls.
|
||
Words, words, words.
|
||
Zeus's sexual appetites.
|
||
A bigger, blacker dick.
|
||
The mere concept of Applebee's®.
|
||
A sad fat dragon with no friends.
|
||
Catastrophic urethral trauma.
|
||
Hillary Clinton's death stare.
|
||
Existing.
|
||
A pinata full of scorpions.
|
||
Mooing.
|
||
Swiftly achieving orgasm.
|
||
Daddy's belt.
|
||
Double penetration.
|
||
Weapons-grade plutonium.
|
||
Some really fucked-up shit.
|
||
Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife.
|
||
Rising from the grave.
|
||
The mixing of the races.
|
||
Taking a man's eyes and balls out and putting his eyes where his balls go and then his balls in the eye holes.
|
||
Scrotal frostbite.
|
||
All of this blood.
|
||
Loki, the trickster god.
|
||
Whining like a little bitch.
|
||
Pumping out a baby every nine months.
|
||
Tongue.
|
||
Finding Waldo.
|
||
Upgrading homeless people to mobile hotspots.
|
||
Wearing an octopus for a hat.
|
||
An unhinged ferris wheel rolling toward the sea.
|
||
Living in a trashcan.
|
||
The corporations.
|
||
A magic hippie love cloud.
|
||
Fuck Mountain.
|
||
Survivor's guilt.
|
||
Me.
|
||
Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group.
|
||
Jeff Goldblum.
|
||
Making a friend.
|
||
A soulful rendition of "Ol' Man River."
|
||
Intimacy problems.
|
||
A sweaty, panting leather daddy.
|
||
Spring break!
|
||
Being awesome at sex.
|
||
Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends."
|
||
Another shot of morphine.
|
||
Beefin' over turf.
|
||
A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles.
|
||
Bullshit.
|
||
The Google.
|
||
Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game®.
|
||
The new Radiohead album.
|
||
An army of skeletons.
|
||
A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings.
|
||
Mild autism.
|
||
Nunchuck moves.
|
||
Whipping a disobedient slave.
|
||
An ether-soaked rag.
|
||
A sweet spaceship.
|
||
A 55-gallon drum of lube.
|
||
Special musical guest, Cher.
|
||
The human body.
|
||
Boris the Soviet Love Hammer.
|
||
The grey nutrient broth that sustains Mitt Romney.
|
||
Tiny nipples.
|
||
Power.
|
||
Oncoming traffic.
|
||
A dollop of sour cream.
|
||
A slightly shittier parallel universe.
|
||
My first kill.
|
||
Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content.
|
||
Fetal alcohol syndrome.
|
||
The day the birds attacked.
|
||
One Ring to rule them all.
|
||
Grandpa's ashes.
|
||
Basic human decency.
|
||
A Burmese tiger pit.
|
||
Death by Steven Seagal
|
||
Dragon boobs.
|
||
Verisimilitude.
|
||
Dissociated mechanics.
|
||
Rape.
|
||
Storygames.
|
||
Random chargen
|
||
RPG.net.
|
||
Dice inserted somewhere painful.
|
||
FATAL.
|
||
Ron Edwards' brain damage.
|
||
Boob plate armor.
|
||
Gamer chicks.
|
||
GNS theory.
|
||
Drizzt.
|
||
The entire Palladium Books® Megaverse™
|
||
BadWrongFun.
|
||
Misogynerds.
|
||
Cultural Marxism.
|
||
Pissing on Gary Gygax's grave.
|
||
Steve Jackson's beard.
|
||
Natural 20.
|
||
Rapenards.
|
||
The Crisis of Treachery™.
|
||
Game balance.
|
||
Fishmalks.
|
||
A kick to the dicebags.
|
||
Bearded dwarven women.
|
||
Owlbear's tears.
|
||
Magic missile.
|
||
THAC0.
|
||
Bigby's Groping Hands.
|
||
Drow blackface.
|
||
Save or die.
|
||
Swine.
|
||
The Forge.
|
||
Healing Surges.
|
||
Gelatinous Cubes.
|
||
Total Party Kill.
|
||
Quoting Monty Python.
|
||
Dumbed down shit for ADD WoW babies.
|
||
Mike Mearls.
|
||
Comeliness.
|
||
Vampire: The Masquerade.
|
||
Rifts™.
|
||
The random prostitute table.
|
||
Dildo of Enlightenment +2
|
||
Grognards Against Humanity.
|
||
Cthulhu.
|
||
The naked succubus in the Monster Manual.
|
||
Role-playing and roll-playing.
|
||
Fun Tyrant.
|
||
4rries.
|
||
Martial dailies.
|
||
Black Tokyo.
|
||
Killfuck Soulshitter.
|
||
Cheetoism.
|
||
Grimdark.
|
||
Kobolds.
|
||
Oozemaster.
|
||
Rocks fall, everyone dies.
|
||
Mark Rein·Hagen.
|
||
Maid RPG.
|
||
Splugorth blind warrior women.
|
||
Dying during chargen.
|
||
Slaughtering innocent orc children.
|
||
Lesbian stripper ninjas.
|
||
Magical tea party.
|
||
Grinding levels.
|
||
Dice animism.
|
||
White privilege.
|
||
Githyanki therapy.
|
||
Amber Diceless Roleplaying.
|
||
A ratcatcher with a small but vicious dog.
|
||
Bribing the GM with sexual favors.
|
||
Eurocentric fantasy.
|
||
Sacred cows.
|
||
Gygaxian naturalism.
|
||
Special snowflakes.
|
||
Neckbeards.
|
||
Gazebos.
|
||
Lorraine Williams.
|
||
Nude larping.
|
||
Portable holes.
|
||
Steampunk bullshit.
|
||
Dump stats.
|
||
Ale and whores.
|
||
Japanese schoolgirl porn.
|
||
Horny catgirls.
|
||
Japanese people.
|
||
Cimo.
|
||
ZA WARUDO!
|
||
40 gigs of lolicon.
|
||
Goku's hair.
|
||
Slashfic.
|
||
Star Gentle Uterus
|
||
Naruto headbands.
|
||
Homestuck troll horns.
|
||
Hayao Miyazaki.
|
||
The tsunami.
|
||
Death Note.
|
||
Small breasts.
|
||
Asians being racist against each other.
|
||
Weeaboo bullshit.
|
||
Tsundere.
|
||
Body pillows.
|
||
A lifelike silicone love doll.
|
||
Anime figures drenched in jizz.
|
||
Surprise sex.
|
||
Yaoi.
|
||
Girls with glasses.
|
||
Bronies.
|
||
Blue and white striped panties.
|
||
4chan.
|
||
Hello Kitty vibrator.
|
||
Finishing attack.
|
||
Keikaku* *(keikaku means plan).
|
||
Hatsune Miku's screams.
|
||
School swimsuits.
|
||
Lovingly animated bouncing boobs.
|
||
Dragon Balls.
|
||
Zangief's chest hair.
|
||
DeviantArt.
|
||
Giant fucking robots.
|
||
Crossplay.
|
||
Moeblob.
|
||
Carl Macek's rotting corpse.
|
||
My waifu.
|
||
Voice actress Megumi Hayashibara.
|
||
Lynn Minmei.
|
||
Panty shots.
|
||
Love and Justice.
|
||
Consensual tentacle rape.
|
||
Gundam.
|
||
Captain Bright slapping Amuro.
|
||
The Wave Undulation Cannon.
|
||
Having sex in the P.E. equipment shed.
|
||
Tainted sushi.
|
||
Shitty eurobeat music.
|
||
Bad dubbing.
|
||
Fangirls.
|
||
Kawaii desu uguu.
|
||
Futanari.
|
||
Lesbian schoolgirls.
|
||
Osamu Tezuka, rolling in his grave forever.
|
||
FUNimation.
|
||
Underage cosplayers in bondage gear.
|
||
Jackie Chan.
|
||
Exchanging Pocky for sexual favors.
|
||
Shipping.
|
||
Chiyo's father.
|
||
Magikarp.
|
||
Derpy.
|
||
Nanoha and her special friend Fate.
|
||
The marbles from Ramune bottles.
|
||
Wideface.
|
||
Spoilers.
|
||
Man-Faye.
|
||
Oppai mousepads.
|
||
Another dimension.
|
||
Homura sniffing Madoka's panties.
|
||
Hadouken.
|
||
Asian ball-jointed dolls.
|
||
J-list.
|
||
Childhood friends.
|
||
Monkey D. Luffy's rubbery cock.
|
||
Cloud's giant fucking Buster Swords.
|
||
Taking a dump in Char's helmet.
|
||
Hentai marathons.
|
||
Gothic Lolita.
|
||
Onaholes.
|
||
Super Saiyan Level 2.
|
||
Gaia Online.
|
||
Santa's heavy sack.
|
||
Clearing a bloody path through Walmart with a scimitar.
|
||
Another shitty year.
|
||
Whatever Kwanzaa is supposed to be about.
|
||
A Christmas stocking full of coleslaw.
|
||
Elf cum.
|
||
The tiny, calloused hands of the Chinese children that made this card.
|
||
Taking down Santa with a surface-to-air missile.
|
||
Socks.
|
||
Pretending to be happy.
|
||
Krampus, the Austrian Christmas monster.
|
||
The Star Wars Holiday Special.
|
||
My hot cousin.
|
||
Mall Santa.
|
||
Several intertwining love stories featuring Hugh Grant.
|
||
A Hungry-Man™ Frozen Christmas Dinner for one.
|
||
Gift-wrapping a live hamster.
|
||
Space Jam on VHS.
|
||
Immaculate conception.
|
||
Fucking up 'Silent Night' in front of 300 parents.
|
||
A visually arresting turtleneck.
|
||
A toxic family environment.
|
||
Eating an entire snowman.
|
||
Bumpses.
|
||
A Vin Gerard H8 X 10.
|
||
Harry Acropolis.
|
||
Under the ring.
|
||
Afa The Wild Samoan.
|
||
Peanut Butter and Baby sandwiches.
|
||
Yard Tards.
|
||
Two girls, one cup.
|
||
Ugly Mexican Hookers.
|
||
Duct tape.
|
||
Sodaj.
|
||
Steve The Teacher.
|
||
Jefferee.
|
||
Autoerotic Asphyxiation.
|
||
Sonic The Hedgehog.
|
||
Lotto Money.
|
||
Jailbait.
|
||
Prison rape.
|
||
Two And A Half Men.
|
||
Anne Frank.
|
||
Black Santa.
|
||
Jesus Christ (our lord and saviour).
|
||
Farting with your armpits.
|
||
Poopsicles.
|
||
Slaughtering innocent children.
|
||
Sex with vegetables.
|
||
My gay ex-husband.
|
||
Accidentally sexting your mom.
|
||
Tabasco in your pee-hole.
|
||
Pee Wee Herman.
|
||
A breath of fresh air.
|
||
A great big floppy donkey dick.
|
||
A pyramid scheme.
|
||
A school bus surrounded by cop cars.
|
||
A short walk in the desert with shovels.
|
||
All the boys staring at your chest.
|
||
An amorous stallion.
|
||
Being so wet it just slides out of you.
|
||
Being tarred and feathered.
|
||
Catching 'em all.
|
||
Chained to the bed and whipped to orgasmic bliss by a leather-clad woman.
|
||
Child-bearing hips.
|
||
Defenestration.
|
||
Dungeons and/or dragons.
|
||
Ecco the Dolphin.
|
||
George Washington riding on a giant eagle.
|
||
Getting abducted and probed by aliens.
|
||
Going viral on YouTube.
|
||
Gushing.
|
||
Making the baby Jesus cry.
|
||
More than you can chew.
|
||
Napalm.
|
||
Pancake bitches.
|
||
Playing God with the power of lightning.
|
||
Playing tonsil-hockey.
|
||
Racing cheese wheels downhill.
|
||
Riding the bomb.
|
||
Settling arguments with dance-offs.
|
||
Sheer spite.
|
||
Sinister laughter.
|
||
SS Girls.
|
||
Stealing your sister's underwear.
|
||
Stroking a cat the wrong way.
|
||
Sucking and blowing.
|
||
The bullet with your name on it.
|
||
The entire rest of eternity, spent in fucking Bruges.
|
||
The oceans rising to reclaim the land.
|
||
A cocained-fuelled sex orgy heart attack.
|
||
A cocktail umbrella
|
||
A murder/suicide pact.
|
||
A squirming mass of kittens.
|
||
An angry mob with torches and pitchforks.
|
||
Biting my girlfriend like a vampire during sex.
|
||
Dropping your pants and saluting.
|
||
Frankenstein's Monster
|
||
Getting a blowjob in a theater.
|
||
Going full retard.
|
||
Going slob-slob-slob all over that knob.
|
||
Leaking implants.
|
||
Low-flying planes.
|
||
Monkies flinging their own shit.
|
||
My robot duplicate.
|
||
Other people’s children.
|
||
People who can't take a joke. Seriously.
|
||
Popping a boner during Sex Ed class.
|
||
Projectile vomiting.
|
||
Pulling down panties with your teeth.
|
||
Saying
|
||
Shedding skin like a snake.
|
||
Shooting Valley Girls for like, saying like all the time. Really.
|
||
Slow seductive tentacle rape.
|
||
Talking like a pirate, y’arr!
|
||
Tenderly kissing a unicorn's horn.
|
||
That bastard Jesus!
|
||
The last shreads of dignity.
|
||
The power of friendship.
|
||
This card intentionally left blank.
|
||
Throwing water on a braless woman in a white t-shirt
|
||
Upskirts.
|
||
Wasting all your money on hookers and booze.
|
||
Winning.
|
||
A foot fetish.
|
||
A powerful gag reflex.
|
||
A tight, Asian pussy.
|
||
Explosive decompression.
|
||
Extraordinary Rendition.
|
||
Forgetting the safety word.
|
||
Greeting Christmas carollers naked.
|
||
Handcuffs, without the key.
|
||
Having a drill for a penis.
|
||
Hot Jailbait Ass.
|
||
Liposuction gone horrible wrong.
|
||
My harem of scantily clad women.
|
||
Nazi Zombie Robot Ninjas.
|
||
Redneck gypsies.
|
||
Scissoring.
|
||
A guy and two robots who won’t shut up.
|
||
A shotgun wedding.
|
||
Anne Frank's diary
|
||
Autoerotic asphyxiation.
|
||
Blow Up Bianca the Latex Lovedoll.
|
||
Endlessly tumbling down an up escalator.
|
||
Fun with nuns.
|
||
Getting it all over the walls.
|
||
Holiday Dinner by Jack Daniels.
|
||
Nailgun fights.
|
||
Teaching the bitch a lesson.
|
||
Nazi super science.
|
||
Making a human centipede.
|
||
The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now.
|
||
A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus.
|
||
Cock.
|
||
A cop who is also a dog.
|
||
Dying alone and in pain.
|
||
Gay aliens.
|
||
The way white people is.
|
||
Reverse cowgirl.
|
||
The Quesadilla Explosion Salad™ from Chili's©.
|
||
Actually getting shot, for real.
|
||
Not having sex.
|
||
Vietnam flashbacks.
|
||
Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere.
|
||
Nothing.
|
||
Warm, velvety muppet sex.
|
||
Self-flagellation.
|
||
The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life.
|
||
Samuel L. Jackson.
|
||
A boo-boo.
|
||
Going around punching people.
|
||
The entire Internet.
|
||
Some kind of bird-man.
|
||
Chugging a lava lamp.
|
||
Having sex on top of a pizza.
|
||
Indescribable loneliness.
|
||
An ass disaster.
|
||
Shutting the fuck up.
|
||
All my friends dying.
|
||
Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR.
|
||
Spending lots of money.
|
||
Some douche with an acoustic guitar.
|
||
Flying robots that kill people.
|
||
A greased-up Matthew McConaughey.
|
||
An unstoppable wave of fire ants.
|
||
Not contributing to society in any meaningful way.
|
||
An all-midget production of Shakespeare's Richard III.
|
||
Screaming like a maniac.
|
||
The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth.
|
||
Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding.
|
||
Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks.
|
||
Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.
|
||
Velcro™.
|
||
A PowerPoint presentation.
|
||
A surprising amount of hair.
|
||
Eating Tom Selleck's mustache to gain his powers.
|
||
Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.
|
||
That ass.
|
||
A pile of squirming bodies.
|
||
Buying the right pants to be cool.
|
||
Blood farts.
|
||
Three months in the hole.
|
||
A botched circumcision.
|
||
The Land of Chocolate.
|
||
Slapping a racist old lady.
|
||
A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint.
|
||
Jumping out at people.
|
||
A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie.
|
||
Mufasa's death scene.
|
||
Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone.
|
||
Demonic possession.
|
||
The Harlem Globetrotters.
|
||
Vomiting mid-blowjob.
|
||
My manservant, Claude.
|
||
Having shotguns for legs.
|
||
Letting everyone down.
|
||
A spontaneous conga line.
|
||
A vagina that leads to another dimension.
|
||
Disco fever.
|
||
Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick.
|
||
Fisting.
|
||
The thin veneer of situational causality that underlies porn.
|
||
Girls that always be textin'.
|
||
Blowing some dudes in an alley.
|
||
Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs® to get fifty continuous hours of energy.
|
||
Sneezing, farting, and coming at the same time.
|
||
A freshly-filled diaper
|
||
Glue
|
||
An unusually-attractive transvestite
|
||
Hand-me-down adult diapers
|
||
A stillborn fetus
|
||
A disgraced pelican
|
||
Three buckets of urine, free for 2 nights, with no late fee
|
||
My testicles
|
||
A black woman's vagina
|
||
My asshole
|
||
A whale's blowhole
|
||
2 Girls 1 Cup
|
||
The Big Bang Theory (TV)
|
||
Teen pregnancy
|
||
Ass hair
|
||
Vaginal warts
|
||
Ellen Degeneres
|
||
Jews Against Humanity
|
||
Indy wrestling
|
||
Cunt
|
||
Beating a crowd of delightful parents to death with a steel dildo
|
||
Beating a crowd of delightful parents to death with a steel dildo while dressed as Ru Paul's brother, Ron.
|
||
A roll in the hay
|
||
"Get 'em, Steve-Dave!"
|
||
God Hates You
|
||
Manboobs.
|
||
Daniel Benoit
|
||
Vomiting in the shower
|
||
An intellectually superior overlord
|
||
Dwight Schrute
|
||
Casey Anthony
|
||
Clubbin seals
|
||
Stunt cock
|
||
Anal lice
|
||
Lightsaber Dildos
|
||
|